Tag Archives: monkey mind

How to deal with your inner critic or the dangers of positive thinking

I used to be a very positive person. With time, I realised that It wasn’t such a good thing. In fact, I believe it stopped my emotional progress. If you try to be positive when you are facing challenges or negative thoughts, you will as a consequence be in denial of your negative emotions. You will be thinking, as I did, “I am a positive person” and as a consequence you will deny your negative thoughts and feelings. The first danger is that you will become passive aggressive and project your negative feelings onto others. This is what happens to people who have issues with anger and who are by “coincidence” surrounded by angry people: their boss, father, boyfriend, husband, or their friends. But no, not them. They never have issues with anger. As a writer, you want to know about this process which is called mirroring. It will bring great depth to your characters.

Positive thinking is only helpful if practiced AFTER you have dealt properly with your emotions. There is no shortcut: Negative emotions have to be processed, experienced and embraced. Truly positive people tend to do that as quickly as possible. Negative people will dwell in the process and often enjoy the attention they get from complaining. They moght even manipulate you into doing what they want through making you feel bad about them. Very different. They make beautiful characters.

But being too positive also stopped my progress as a writer. Let me explain. If you deny your negative thoughts, you won’t hear them when they pop in your head. It doesn’t mean however that they won’t exist. It will just mean that they will live at the level of your subconscious and what they will do there is feed your inner critic who will be given a golden opportunity to get in the driver’s seat and create havoc in your life.

The best way to manage your inner critic (you know that little voice that is constantly nagging at you and putting you down) is not to ignore it, nor to silence it. The best strategy is to listen to it and become aware of its voice. Why? Because then it surfaces into your awareness, which drags it out of the driver’s seat of your life. For those who don’t know it yet, the subconscious is driving your car, always. And it always overrides your consciousness. It always sits in your blind spot. Believe me, you don’t want your inner critic there.

So what is the best way to deal with your inner critic? My suggestion is to engage with it after you acknowledge it for what it really is: a phantom that feeds on your fears and every single negative comment or remark anyone has ever made to you. Fears are only thoughts. Beliefs are only thoughts that you think are true. Recognise that you are not your thoughts. Recognise that your mind is full of junk and good thoughts, but probably a lot of junk. You are not your mind either. Talk to your inner critic. It is the part of you that is scared and that believed everything everyone said, but mostly the negative.

So when your inner critic tells you that you can’t write: realise that it is only trying to help you not make a fool of yourself. It is there to protect you (it really believes it does anyway). Only it has the emotional maturity of a toddler. So engage with it as if it was a toddler. Listen to it with compassion when it is having a tantrum. Hold it. Comfort it. And set boundaries: your inner critic needs to be given a time frame to complain or criticise. I would suggest ten minutes per day. After that, thank it for its voice and get on with your writing.

To your creativity

Ange de Lumiere

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Finding your purpose

Today, one of my followers on Facebook asked me if I could help her write. I get a lot of questions similar to this in my inbox with a page title which claims I can make people write. I asked her what seemed to be the problem. She said that everyone told her she was talented. She writes stories. But she can’t be bothered to finish them.

So here was my advice to her: stop writing immediately. And do not write again until you find your passion. I added that it might take a month or six months but she should not write anything during that time. She asked me how would she find her passion. I asked her what she hoped to leave as a legacy as a writer. How did she want her readers to feel? What did she want her offering to be to them? She wasn’t too sure except she wanted them to feel like her when she read a good book. I told her it was a good start. And I invited her to reflect on what she liked in a good book, particularly how it made her feel and what it brought to her life.

Next I asked her if she ever meditated. She said she never had. I said when you meditate you can find answers to questions within you so I encouraged her to explore various meditation modalities. What I didn’t tell her, but that will be part of my workshop, is that meditation can help you write and find inspiration. I think she might come to my workshop anyway. Writers are not always aware how important it is to silence their monkey minds and inner critics. You know that constant chatter that speaks in your head. And meditation can help with that.

The best to your creativity,

Ange de Lumiere